I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
