i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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