I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
