I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
