Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
