You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
