Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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