I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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