If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
