Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize