dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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