goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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