I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
