Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
dude. I can hear the air.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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