Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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