you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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