i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize