So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
