I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
