I'm so fucking centered right now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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