Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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