people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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