I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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