fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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