You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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