do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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