just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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