Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
