I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize