Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
