I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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