Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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