Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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