thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
