I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize