Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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