Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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