My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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