turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
