we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Mom said you looked used
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
