I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
