end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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