It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
