Do you still have your period?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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