My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
