my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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