so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if only i could text you this smell
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
