my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize