i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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