It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
