I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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