I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
