24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
