whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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