I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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