One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
