Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
