They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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