I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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