she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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