Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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