I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
