and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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