she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
