I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had to coat check the pizza.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
