I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
