Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize