do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
