R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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