i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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