you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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