I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
