I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
