i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
