Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize