Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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