I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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