I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
