everyone is single if you try hard enough
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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