Dual....:-)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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