brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
