You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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