No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
