all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
