I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
