How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need a beard to bite.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
