Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
