so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we should paint friendship bongs
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